Today was the first time since the trial that someone has used the term “he said she said” to me regarding my case. Since the beginning of the Me Too movement, I never expected another woman to use this old school term again, yet here we are.

I have spent the past four years of my life defending and standing up for myself and it is absolutely exhausting. I know that I should not let the insignificant people who don’t believe my story bother me, because I know the truth of what happened that night and the jury decided that beyond a reasonable doubt, they know what happened too. But when I have someone say to me that they do not know the full story because they were not there, it enrages me beyond belief. Of course no one else was there, because if they were, I probably would not have been raped. And my goodness do I wish someone else would have been there to stop it from happening.

For someone at this point to say they do not believe me bothers me less than it would have four years ago, but you have to understand, no matter what it still causes me to go into a panic. I would not have sat on that stand for eight hours straight if I was lying. I would not take all the medications for anxiety, depression, and PTSD that I do now if I was lying. I would not have frequent night terrors that replay that night in my head if I was lying. I gave so much of myself and my time up to this trial, and would I have put myself through all of that if I was lying?

If this was a case about anything other than a sexual crime, it would never be referred to as a he said she said. The only reason it is referred to as that, is because society gives so much more to the perpetrator than they do the victim. I had to sit on that stand and prove to everyone that he did rape me, while all he had to do is say he didn’t. I had to give the evidence that it did happen, and all he had to do is say that I was lying. I had to sit on the stand and cry as I looked at pictures of the car that he raped me in, and all he had to do was say that it wasn’t true. This was never a case of he said she said. This was a case of she said, because I won. The defense used the same argument that this was a he said she said, yet the jury decided beyond a reasonable doubt that no, that was not the case. Of course no one else was there when it happened, but when is anyone else ever present while someone is being raped? That is never a valid argument to say that it did not happen.

With all of this, I guess my point is that whether or not your belief is that it is a he said she said case, never say that to a rape victim. The last thing they need to hear is that they are not believed. I have to live the rest of my life with the scars that he left me with, so whether you think your opinion needs to be heard or not, leave it to the jury to decide. As a rape victim, I have gone through enough already. I know that God and the people who matter are on my side and that is all that counts. Thank you to everyone who believes me and has loved me so well over the past four years. Your continued support even today is something that I will always need.