As much as I have wanted to write a new blog these past few weeks, my mind has just not been able to rest and take the time to write what I have been feeling. The past three and a half weeks have been scary. They have been draining. And they have been overall just exhausting.

About two weeks ago, my anxiety and depression hit an all time low. I thought that I had everything under control. I thought I was able to hold it all in and be okay. I thought I could do it on my own. I realized that none of this was true when I was so paralyzed by fear and overcome with angst that I couldn’t breathe. I was in my bed, alone in my dorm, so consumed by the weight of the world, that it felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. It was then that I realized I couldn’t do this alone anymore.

The title of this post is “Rescue”. As most of you know, Lauren Daigle is my all-time favorite singer. Her songs have always seemed to speak to me somehow. A part of her song “Rescue” says,

“You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen

I will send out an army to find you
In the middle of the darkest night
It’s true, I will rescue you. There is no distance
That cannot be covered
Over and over
You’re not defenseless
I’ll be your shelter
I’ll be your armor“

These words are written so beautifully and are so full of emotion. I have been broken, I am broken, and my innocence was stolen. I guess these past few weeks I have tried to only rely on myself and not God. I have been pushing myself to get better without even telling anyone how broken I feel. Isn’t that me putting myself in God’s shoes? Who am I to think that I can fix everything on my own? That’s God’s job.

After realizing that I needed more help than I could provide myself with, I got an appointment with a psychiatrist, upped my counseling sessions to once a week, and told my parents and friends how much I was struggling. There was such a weight lifted off my shoulders as soon as I told someone what was going on inside of my head. After seeing a psychiatrist, I was able to start two new medicines, one to calm my depression and anxiety, and one to help me sleep without having nightmares constantly.

Now I realize that not everybody has the luxury of a loving family and friends like I do. You may not have that, but talk to somebody. Talk to God. It’s his job. He was tortured and sacrificed his life for you. Just like Lauren Daigle says, He will rescue you.