The past month, I have been through a whirlwind of emotions. I started a new job as a Resident Advisor for the freshman dorms at Marshall, I started my new nursing classes, I’m dealing with stress from the case, I have just recently filed an official complaint against Marshall’s Title IX coordinator for how horribly she treated me (which will be followed by multiple meetings with human resources and Marshall in order to carry out an investigation and have her demoted) I changed medication and I’m not sure that it is working very well, I’m trying to make working out a priority, and I’m also finding time to go home multiple times a week. Wow, that was a mouthful. I think I may be even more stressed now that I am reading that out loud. You would think that with all of this going on, I would be too exhausted to even think about anything but it’s really quite the opposite…

There is never a moment that my mind is at ease anymore. My thoughts circle around in my head a thousand miles a minute. I am constantly about school, work, and just life in general. Even when I try to sit down and just talk to God, my head is filled with other thoughts and I get so distracted and stressed that I can’t even pray right. For the past two nights I have sat alone in my dorm room and just cried. I have cried until my eyes are so puffy that I can’t see, until my head is pounding so strongly that I can’t think, and until my body feels so weak that I can’t move or breath. Although crying is a healthy emotion to express, it is starting to become such a burden. I have been invited to events with friends but I cannot muster up the strength to go because my body is just so exhausted from being stressed all day. 

The point of me telling you this is not for you to feel pity for me but to understand this… It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to tell someone no. It is okay to take a mental break every now and then. This past therapy session, my counselor talked a lot about self care. She told me that I don’t always have to be “the helper”. I once had an EX-FRIEND (emphasis on the ex because this is one thing that ended our friendship) say to me that all I do is care about myself. She told me that I never put others first and I make it all about me. When she said this to me, something clicked. That is literally the complete opposite of what I do. It’s so difficult for me to ask for help because I don’t want to burden people with my issues. I an RA for crying out loud, all I do is fix people’s problems. I did not report my rape to the police in order to help myself. It doesn’t benefit me at all. I was already raped and I can’t change that. But what I can do is protect girls that would have been Chase’s future victims. 

In all of this, constantly being there for everyone else and not letting anyone be there for me is absolutely exhausting. So don’t feel guilty asking for help. Don’t feel guilty for not taking the extra shift at work and taking a nap instead. Don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself. If you think about it, are you really helping people to the best of your ability if you are not well rested yourself? God calls us to rest. He wants us to recharge so that we have the strength to carry on His will the next day. So take that day off, go get a massage, and rest. You deserve it.