Right now I’m in Starbucks trying to write a scholarship letter and as I’m writing, I’m listening to Lauren Daigle through my headphones. The feeling that I can’t get past is the uncomfortable reminder that comes along with Lauren Daigle’s Look Up Child album.

Last fall when this album came out, it was all I listened to. If I was walking across campus with my headphones in, this is what I was listening to. As you know, last fall is the season that I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and raped. Since these two things overlap in their timing, I can’t help but associate my favorite album with the vicious and painful reminder of Chase.

What I cannot figure out is whether this is something strictly psychological or if it is Satan attempting to take Godly music that once brought me so much comfort and peace and turn it into a reminder that I am unworthy and broken. Maybe it’s a little bit of both…

As I am sitting here typing this exact sentence in the middle of Starbucks where everyone can see me, my eyes are starting to fill with tears. My last post was about the song You Say by Lauren Daigle and that is currently the song that is playing in my ears right now. I started to feel down and broken again as I began typing this but as soon as that feeling started to consume me, the chorus began… “You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You say I am held when I am falling short. When I don’t belong, oh You say I am yours.” All of my feelings of insecurity and doubt are washed away. Christ covers me when I am weak.

This morning Trent preached on Jeremiah 1:1-10. This passage is all about how when God calls you to do something, you should have no excuses. One thing that he said today really stuck with me: Why would God call you to do something that he didn’t think you could do? The simple answer to this question is that he wouldn’t. God does not call you to do something that he doesn’t think you are strong enough to handle.

There have been times that I wonder “Why me? Why was I raped? What do you want me to do with this?”. I have been angry at God. I have been furious. Why did he let such a horrible thing happen to me? I have meditated on this thought for a long time and have just recently come up with an answer. He didn’t let this happen to me. Sucky things happen because there is sin and brokenness in the world.

BUT…

God doesn’t put us through trials that he doesn’t think we can face. I now know that there is some good that comes from such a horrible and vial act. I am able to put away a serial rapist so that he does not have the opportunity to rape again. I am able to give my testimony to girls who may think that they are not enough. I am able to counsel and help people I don’t even know and maybe give them a purpose.

So ya see here, God does not put you through things that you cannot handle. Crappy things happen, yeah, but it’s not what happens to you that defines you, it’s what you do with it and how you handle it that counts.