As you may know, Friday the 26th was the final probation violation hearing for Chase. After three and a half hours of sitting in the hallway (because I am a witness and I am not allowed in the courtroom during the trial/hearing) I was allowed to enter the courtroom to hear the judges final decision, anxiously anticipating whether or not Chase was going to have to spend a year in jail. The judge found that by a preponderance of the evidence that there was no motive for Frankie and I to come forward about such a scarring event in our lives. He revoked Chase’s probation and sentenced him to a year in jail. Praise God. That is all I can say about that. 

Two days after Chase was sentenced to a year in jail awaiting trial, my sister sang a song called “You Say” by Lauren Daigle at church. Every time that my sister sings, I always cry. I love her so much that sometimes it is just so overwhelming to see and experience just how talented she is. But this week I was crying for a whole new reason… 

The song she sang has been a song that has always meant so much to me. Lauren Daigle does such an amazing job relating her lyrics to the audience. The chorus of the song goes like this: 

“You say I am loved, when I can’t feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. And you say I am held, when I am falling short. When I don’t belong, you say I am yours.” When Harper sang this chorus, I wept. I wept because this is the reassurance that I not only need, but I’m sure everyone else did too. 

Throughout these past few weeks I have been trying out a new medicine to try and treat my depression better than my old medicine. What I hadn’t realized until I stopped taking Zoloft is that I had absolutely no emotions. I was taking such a high dosage for the past three years that having no emotions started to feel like the norm. The first line of the chorus says, “You say I am loved, when I can’t feel a thing.”. This has never rang more true for me. Even when I was completely numb from life and didn’t know how to have emotions, Jesus said I was loved. 

As you know, I have struggled a lot throughout this past year. I have had many highs but a crap ton of lows. In those times there were moments that I felt so alone and weak. I felt like I had no one to rely on but myself BUT oh my goodness was I wrong. Like Lauren Daigle says, “You say I am strong when I think I am weak. And you say I am held, when I am falling short.”. Wow, what a fantastic reminder of Christ’s love for us. He gives us the strength that we don’t feel we have. Not only did I have Christ, but also my family and friends to rely on. I may have felt alone, but I was far from it. 

The last line of this chorus says, “When I don’t belong, you say I am yours.” Sometimes I feel like because of what happened that I am broken and a burden, but Christ claims us as His. Whether you have an earthly father (my dad is freaking awesome) or not, take refuge in knowing that you have a Heavenly Father that loves you more than you could imagine. 

Since I gave shout outs to the whole family except my mom, I’d just like to say that I have the best mom in the whole entire world!