Reading this title you might be thinking, what in the world is she talking about? Well throughout these past seven months I have struggled with figuring out what the right way to react to being sexually assaulted is. Will people think I’m overreacting if all I want to do is lay in bed in cry? Will they think I’m making everything up if my outward personality doesn’t change and I’m still the happy bubbly girl I used to be? The right answer is that there is no right answer.

I recently had to face my abuser in person regarding legal issues. He mentioned something that really rubbed me the wrong way. He claimed that after the assault took place I played a worship song when I was driving him back to his car. The point he said he was trying to make with this accusation was that my mental state afterwards seemed to be pretty stable for someone who is claiming they were raped. He tried to use this to make it seem like because I was playing a pretty Jesus song and not immediately calling the police, that I was okay with what he had just done to me.

The reason this made me so angry is because no one, especially your abuser, can tell you how to react to being raped. Everyone reacts differently. Recently following the #MeToo movement, women have been coming forward about sexual assault decades ago. Just because it took them so long to report does not mean that their experience was any less traumatic and scarring. The only thing I knew to do was act normal and like nothing had happened.

The point I want to make with this post is that you are entitled to every emotion you feel. Not only on matters like this one but every other trial you may face in life. There may be days that all you want to do is sleep and cry. Guess what? That’s okay. There may also be days that you feel like you are on top of the world. And that’s also okay. You’re emotions are your emotions. No one else can tell you how you should be grieving/reacting to anything. Some days you might feel guilty about having a good day and enjoying life but remember, just as it is okay to not be okay, it is okay to be okay.

Your life will never go back to exactly how it was before, but it sure will get easier each day as you learn to find a new normal.