Driving down Hal Greer and I decided to get some ice cream from Baskin Robbins. Today has been nothing less than perfect. I slept until noon, I am currently working my job which doesn’t even feel like a job, and I got to get my favorite drink from Baskin Robbins, a cappuccino blast. You would think that nothing could ruin this perfect day, but you would be wrong.

As I pulled in the drive through, I was already in a state of panic because there was a white Jeep parked in the lot. If you recall from my first post, that is the car that the man who raped me drives. Thankfully it was just a family that was in the Jeep and it was not him. After my heart rate slowed and I calmed down a bit, I was able to order my drink and wait in the drive through without panicking.

Sometimes it feels like the world is working against me, because while I was waiting in the drive through, finally calmed down, I look to my left and there he is. Stopped at the red light on Hal Greer literally ten feet away from me with his windows down. What are the flipping odds that in all of Huntington out of all the time in the day, he ends up right beside me at the exact moment I have finally calmed down?

Like I said before, even just the sight of a white Jeep can send me into a state of panic. Even more so when that white Jeep actually ends up being his. My hands began to shake, my heart started to pound harder and harder until it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest, and my head started to throb. As you can probably assume, this is not an enjoyable feeling. Especially for someone like me who does not like to show emotion even if I’m alone…

What I have learned from the past seven months is that it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to panic. It is okay to cry. It is okay to be scared. So often we feel like we have to be strong and not show emotion for the sake of everyone around us. What I’ve learned is that the people around us have anxieties and fears just like us. It might not stem from the same traumatic experience, but nobody is 100% okay. So show your emotions. Cry, scream, vent if you need to. There is always someone out there who is willing to listen. And remember, it’s okay to not be okay.